Service Station Buff Pillows

"Nap time."

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'The customer is always right...'

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

Fast Food Restaurant

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

"I'm having a little difficulty adjusting. The last place I worked was a lot bigger."

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

"We've found the problem. You folks don't own a car."

"I can't work on this one. It's too ticklish."

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."

"Thanks for waiting."

"How is it you can commit to world class service but not to me?"

Crazy Ideas

History of Gasoline.

"Hang on hon. A table with a more expensive tab needs me."

Boy cleaning servant's shoes

"If you seek the bathroom key, answer first these riddles three."

'You mean you want good communication and competent service?'

'I never get tipped!'

Coffee shop request for tea in china cup.

"Faux wood grain towel dispensers, matching toilet plunbers, herb scented urinal cakes, where's it all end, Stan?"

'Your tip just went down substantially!'

'Maybe complimentary refills wasn't such a good idea.'

Maid.

'I appreciate your enthusiasm in serving me but I never tip more than 15 percent.'

"We're out of tuna fish, but the kid in table six said you can have a bite of his tuna sandwich."

'Are you out of your mind - can't you see I'm buying gas.'

Butler and Page Boy

"Just give me my balance on a piece of paper, put it in the bag, and nobody gets hurt—understand?"

'I told you the waiter would remember you gave him a 2 cent tip the last time.'

Git It 'N' Git