Service Standards Aficionado Gifts

"I'm glad you were satisfied with the service but please don't tell people or everyone will expect it."

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

'The customer is always right...'

Man has applied car wax and sees the whole car melt in the sun.

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

Fast Food Restaurant

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

'I'm after a longer dipstick. This one doesn't reach the oil anymore.'

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"I'd recommend this."

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

"Will that be for here or to go?"

'Could you show me something that's more feature laden?'

"Thanks for waiting."

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

"How is it you can commit to world class service but not to me?"

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."

Crazy Ideas

'Why on earth did you ask the customer if there was anything else you could do for him??!'

"It won't be long - we're in the process of hiring a cook now."

'I always wash it before applying the turtle wax.'

Boy cleaning servant's shoes

"You forgot the straw."

"Hang on hon. A table with a more expensive tab needs me."

Ring Bell for Service.

'You mean you want good communication and competent service?'

"It's fancy-schmantzy. I just wanted fancy."

Coffee shop request for tea in china cup.

'I never get tipped!'