Service Sleuth Gifts

"I'm not saying the lamb is good, but nobody's complained about it yet."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

$1: Family Secrets

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'And I want that end table for $40...' When bargain hunters crack.

Clickbait

Orderly Conduct of Sales

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

If at first you don't succeed call it version 1.0

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

The Modern Godot

'It's something to do with a Microsoft copyright infringement.'

"...Software upgrade provides a seamless transition from simple functionality to multi-platform confusion, chaos and frustration..."

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

'Okay - Let's crash that bad boy.'

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

"Password must contain at least one pictograph."

You're certain you've had plenty of experience serving in a fine dining restaurant?

Retail Worker's Thanksgiving

"Have you heard something that the rest of us don't know about?"

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

Shopper sees sign: Buy one get ripped off.

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

'Well the GOOD news is that the new software analyzed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product...'

Two men converse secretively

What security flaw?

'Roughly translated it says 'Can't remember the code to get into your pyramid? Call Pharaoh Locksmithing.'

'The price or the biscuits?'

'Tech support says your anti-virus software did not catch the problem since it is not a virus. It's a bacterium.'

Gone Phishing

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'