Server Savant Pillows

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

TV-Man

Where was I?

'Theaters from Hell' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

'Who cares what she thinks? Grow a pair and buy the damn thing.'

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"When you have my schedule, you need large sticky notes."

The Plasmas.

'He's a media consultant. He came with the multimedia software package.'

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

"We can deliver it Tuesday. If no one's home, we'll just slip it under the door."

'Computers' 'Hardware' 'Software'

"God, I love this show!"

The Music Lover.

"Every good scene in that move was in the coming attractions...why did we even bother to come watch it?"

Bill Johnson 1914-2000: Server Timed Out.

"I recently upgraded my resume-writing software."

'I have your MRI results. Half your brain is clogged with passwords and the other half is clogged with user names.'

'When did we lose our targeted audience status?'

"We kiss a lot of frogs so that you find your prince."

"Sorry I'm late. I forgot the PIN number I need to get my brain going."

'Always bought low.'

I'm afraid your hour is up, Al� I'm resume talking you down next week at the usual time.

Mind control

I just realized how vulnerable I am to people who could hack my phone, my self-driving car, my tv, my garage door opener … So I bought a device called "Trojan Horse: that's supposed to protect me from all that. It connects to my wifi router. It monitors all my web traffic, all my connected devices, and ... well, I'm not exactly sure what it does, but it's supposed to keep the hackers out somehow. What did you say the device is called again? Now I don't worry about anyone hacking my toaster.

"Cool game!"

'You sure you've got Photoshop experiance.'

"You think they all look like security risks."

'No one is making fun of you. You're just being overly sensitive.'

"You haven't seen security till you've seen it on the iPad 2."

'Coming to you direct from table nine; 'the polenta is cold'.'

'My new browser is so fast I have to take motion sickness pills.'