Serpent Solicitor T-Shirts

'I could get you planning permission for a block of flats on your garden.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

'There they go - off on their own - and a finer bunch of fledgelings one couldn't ask.'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Hello, Acme signs? This is the Berger & Coles Law Office...'

I love Lawyers

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

Barristers

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"Bailiff."

"Who wrote this "Law of the Jungle" nonsense? It is highly biased in favour of predators!"

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

'My client has no problem with 'richer' and 'in health'. Our points of contention are 'poorer' and 'in sickness'.'

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"