Sermon Series T-Shirts

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"When I was a boy I asked God for a new bike. But God doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked His forgiveness."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

The Sleeping Congregation.

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

Applause

Vicar's driving lesson "Here endeth the first lesson!"

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

"A reading from the first letter of Paul to the Corinthians..."

'So long as he doesn't preach what he practices.'

Tonight's topic Ethical behavior. Personally, I let my conscience by my guide, but I do the driving!

Church: Open Sundays

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

Clerical Training Course - 'Gentlemen, we are here to practise what we preach.'

And then a voice came down from the Lord...

Words falling out of bible.

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

"Behold! NOW is the accepted time to repent!"

"And the weird shall inherit the Earth, for their ways are difficult for A.I. algorithms to figure out."