Sermon Scribe Pillows

'One reason I like hanging out with you is you give me so many good ideas for my sermons.'

"I just want to thank you for not naming names."

Church: Open Sundays

First Church: Today's Sermon: 'Can our Entitlements Be Saved?'

REPENT, 'Hey! -- Go find your own corner!'

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

Monk Prompt

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

The First Sentence Fragment: 'Hey, don't -'

How's my sermon. . .

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

"Dearly Besequinned . . . "

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

"Regarding your letter of next Monday ... "

How's my Sermon . . .

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

Clerical Training Course - 'Gentlemen, we are here to practise what we preach.'

Vicar absent from church due to car boot sale.

"But if you teach him to fish, you have fed him for a lifetime."

"I meant 'go and make disciples' after the sermon, Bob."

Our busy Sundays are Christmas, Easter and hurricane season.

'To everything there is a season; a time to cut, and a time to paste...'

Computer literate Monk

'How can you be so cheap?'

"Listen, you'll take another break after Deuteronomy and I'll make you some chicken noodle soup."

"I would take out the curse words, but otherwise I think it's fine."