Serial Complaint Filer Pillows

"Your call is important to us. Please hold for hours, howl obscenities, punch a hole in the wall and hang up."

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

In, Out, Complain.

Complaints departement for men and women.

"Waiter, there's a hair in my soup!"

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

'Someday we'll look back on this and think, ‘Why the hell didn't we sue?' '

Complaints Desk

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"I finally have an ailment that isn't so bad that I'm worried, but bad enough for me to complain about constantly"

Complaints clerk to consumer: A hair in your TV dinner? Maybe it belongs to a celebrity!

Continental Breakfast...$2.99: 'What continent is THIS supposed to represent?'

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

'Oh quit griping and be thankful we even got a bonus this year!'

Moanathon.

"Cable, my foot! Still snow on the TV!"

'I thought I'd seen everything, and then my wife came up with tofu fajitas.'

Awkward customers.

Airline concerns.

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

Wine, Whine. Unwind.

"Just eat your alphabet soup Harold."

'How long do I have to sit like this? My neck is stiff, my arms ache. I've got pins and needles...'

"My left buttock is noticeable larger than my right and my dog is missing his hind legs."

"There's a grouch on my couch."