Complaint Commissioner Pillows

"I invent things to complain about."

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

Complaints Desk

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

'Oh quit griping and be thankful we even got a bonus this year!'

'It's Mr. Stebbins...he's getting back to you with a vengeance.'

"Cable, my foot! Still snow on the TV!"

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'No, we don't take complaints, we SELL complaints.. If the sign said POPCORN, you wouldn't try to GIVE me popcorn, would you?'

Awkward customers.

'Of course I care, madam!'

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

Wal Max - Complaints Department

"I think I speak for all of us."

'The food's lousy! The water's too cold! The pond needs cleaning! You should feed us more often!'

"I heard you are charging a monthly fee for using your debit card, and I'm here to complain!"

'And I don't appreciate being left on hold,with Motorhead's 'The ace of spades'!'

'Every complaint is a 'learning experience', now we're going to learn how to hide them behind the filing cabinet!'

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

Complaint clerk presses button to drop customer through trap door

'I know I can handle the complaint department. I've been married for 20 years.'

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

"I don't get it...my boss once said that he loves animals...just last week he called me 'the laziest dog he did ever see.' But yet he fired me..."

Customer Service - 'No - I demand to speak to your real manager!'

"Your issue should be simple to resolve. I'll just go and get someone less qualified to help you."

Complaints department.

"Look, I'm always happy to help customers with their problems. But you're talking to the wrong idiot."

"I want you to share any concerns you have about customer care and I'll see if I can do anything about your whining not completely destroying your career."

Complaint Department worker. 'Gosh, I'm good at this job!'