Complaint Aficionado Pillows

Airline concerns.

'Me' Weekly

Continental Breakfast...$2.99: 'What continent is THIS supposed to represent?'

'No - I demand to speak to your REAL manager!'

"Just eat your alphabet soup Harold."

"I was at home all day yesterday so when do I want you to re-deliver? Yesterday!"

"This is the worst job in the whole, entire world! You know, I can't see how anybody would ever want this job."

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room.'

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

Man from refuse department says: 'We'll send you a new wheelie bin, Mrs Trubshaw, there's really no need to 'orchestrate a mass Twitter campaign'.'

In, Out, Complain.

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

Complaints departement for men and women.

'Someday we'll look back on this and think, ‘Why the hell didn't we sue?' '

"Waiter, there's a hair in my soup!"

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

Complaints clerk to consumer: A hair in your TV dinner? Maybe it belongs to a celebrity!

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

'I thought I'd seen everything, and then my wife came up with tofu fajitas.'

Moanathon.

'He's sending it back....again! I swear this guy can't get no satisfaction.'

"You say that life is suffering, but isn't it also complaining?"

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

'When I said you should complain about your steak I didn't mean whining about it on twitter.'

'How long do I have to sit like this? My neck is stiff, my arms ache. I've got pins and needles...'

"My left buttock is noticeable larger than my right and my dog is missing his hind legs."

Wine, Whine. Unwind.

If you want to get big as a radio host, you've got to differentiate yourself from all the other mean, insulting critics. I have a plan. You need to start being nice. That way, you'll really surprise people when you turn on them. That's the stupidest @#$% Idea I've ever heard, you muscle-bound ape! It needs work. Damn. What if I retract the muscle-bound part?

After eating here for years, I've come down with abdominal pain and fatigue. Oh yeah? Also, irritability, sleep problems, headaches, loss of appetite, inexplicable weight loss, vomiting and constipation. Also, it took me three whole hours to figure out my new Apple watch, so chalk me up for learning difficulties. You're not by chance trying to get in one last lawsuit before Trump deregulates everything, are you? Heavens, no. Just feeling a little lead-poisony is all I'm saying.

"There's a grouch on my couch."

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."