Senior Sass Specialist Pillows

"You would like to report a medical emergence and you have an artificial hip joint, two artificial knee joints, a pacemaker and a metal plate in your head? Well, then please call the breakdown service, sir."

Stairlift around cliff face.

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

"Did you remember my mints?"

Speed Dating.

What will the little one be? Epidemiologist? Virologist? PPE manufacturer?

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

"We want to include you in this decision without letting you affect it."

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

'Watch your step, counselor; I can go from zero to bitch in 3.2 seconds.'

I'm Aging Gracefully...so SHUT UP!!!

'Oh, to be 75 again!'

Old man fighting against time with an arm wrestle.

'I hear a pet can help prolong your life. Got any that know the Heimlich maneuver?'

'When did your breezy disdain turn into sneering condescension?'

"Remember toothache!!!"

"I think she's the new nurse. She's been here ever since I can remember."

"You know you have a weak heart, mom. Sit down on your favorite rocking chair and just it easy."

'I must be getting older. I tried to make an adorable remark to mom yesterday, and it came out all smart-alecky.'

'You need the wisdom of the ages to understand Medicare Part D.'

'The action they're taking is early retirement.'

'I got up for something - but now I can't remember what it was.'

'Let's face it, Old Simkins is well past his 'best before' date...'

'I've got so many aches and pains that a new one would have to wait a week before I could feel it.'

"He's filed a lawsuit against us for age discrimination...apparently, he can learn new tricks!"

'Remember when self respect and respect for elders were too different things?'

"Last night I spent some time organizing my thoughts..."

Pensioner lives matter

Help! Over 65!

'I'm 50 percent lovable and 50 percent bitch. Don't push it.'

Brunette girlfriend " I quite like your beard. You are only half as ugly now."

'Unemployment remains at or near ninety percent, among the over ninety age group.'

"I keep finding more stuff seniors can't afford."