Senior Humor Seekers Pillows

'They wanted us to take the knee before kick off, but I was worried half of us might not be able to get up again'

Mom! Don't call me abominadorable in front of my friends!

"Can you make me look like Wolverine?"

Piranhaclaus

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

'Oh, crap.'

"Sorry, the sound of your chewing sends me into a rage."

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

'Red Rover, Red Rover...'

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

"Alexa, play Thriller by Michael Jackson."

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

"It's probably just seasonal."

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

'Okay, time to sleep now. Switch off your nose, Rudolph'!

'Take us to your crash test facilities. We're here to liberate our compatriots!'

'I'm an atheist!'

Shell Fire

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

Now that we've developed lungs, it's only a matter of time before we feel guilty about not exercising.

Ale. Mead. It's been a hard knight's day!

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

Fishing Boat Derby

"Do you know Lincoln's Gettysburg Address?"

'She looks just like you when you were that age.'

"Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that our TV cable?"

Easter Candy Island.

Beware of the Cat.

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."