Senior Humor Seekers Pillows

'They wanted us to take the knee before kick off, but I was worried half of us might not be able to get up again'

Piranhaclaus

"Can you make me look like Wolverine?"

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

'Red Rover, Red Rover...'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Sorry, the sound of your chewing sends me into a rage."

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

"Alexa, play Thriller by Michael Jackson."

"It's probably just seasonal."

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

'Okay, time to sleep now. Switch off your nose, Rudolph'!

'I'm an atheist!'

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

Shell Fire

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

Fishing Boat Derby

'She looks just like you when you were that age.'

"Do you know Lincoln's Gettysburg Address?"

"Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that our TV cable?"

"Wait a minute, is that toad I taste? I told you I've gone vegan, Cynthia!"

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

Beware of the Cat.