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Old Geezers Erupting Every Hour on the Hour.

Church Basement Foodie

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

"Sure I'm depressed - now they got me on this geriatric dog food."

Adam and Eve: The Later Years.

'It's been five years since leaving Iraq and I'm still getting the sand out my ears.'

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

'I still have all my own teeth.'

'Oh, to be 75 again!'

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

"He may have a royal flush. He may have a pair of twos. It's impossible to tell since he had Botox."

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

"Remember toothache!!!"

And I got an honorary Purple Heart for sticking myself with one of my flag pins.

Things You Say When You Are Officially Old - Volume # 2

"Hearing aids. What did you wish for?"

'Don't talk to me about joint-pain...'

"I think she's the new nurse. She's been here ever since I can remember."

'Watch out for Harold Smedly...He has wandering long-reach pick up tools!..'

"You look amazing Dad. Has Mrs Arnold been ironing your face again?"

'I won't have any drops today, nurse. It's raining so much...'

'Hot dang! Ethel, check out Raymond's new twenty-twos!'

'I got up for something - but now I can't remember what it was.'

"The best part of my days are photobombing at the retirement homes."

'George is on some weird pill...'

"You've lost a little weight since your last physical, but you're also two inches shorter."

Old People Whisperer

'There's a gastroenterologist in my closet.'

'I've got so many aches and pains that a new one would have to wait a week before I could feel it.'

"Last night I spent some time organizing my thoughts..."

'Remember when self respect and respect for elders were too different things?'

'I saw a Rascal Scooter crash into a Hoveround. It all happened so slow.'

'I've been having an affair with Tiger Woods.'