Senate Staffer Gifts

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

Washington D.C., Acronym Capital of the World

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

'Why can't we just kick Caesar upstairs?'

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

'I was hounded out of office!', 'That explains the smell.'

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

The wind catches Congressman Blowviatt's jerkin.

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

"Of course, when I say we the people I mean I the people."

Rock and a Hard Place

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

'What's the difference? Some people call it privatizing government. Others call it super pacs buying congressmen.'

'This 'infrastructure' stuff you keep talking about -- does it have anything to do with vegetables?'

The following is a paid political announcement.

The Republican's Plan One: No Obama!

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

'We spend a lot, borrow a lot, tax a lot. It keeps things from getting boring.'

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

"I prefer to keep my op-ed article anonymous. I'm Trump's conscience."

'It's Dick Cheney's biography.'

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

Upon graduation, all of the clowns would gather to find out where their assignments would be.

"So you want to give yourselves a pay raise and change term limits so you can continue to ignore voter mandates and introduce ridiculous legislation?"

"What's your position on the Strait of Hormuz?"