Senate Staffer Gifts

We're the Conserva-teases!

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

Washington D.C., Acronym Capital of the World

To Err Is Human, to Mess up Big-Time Is Democratic

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

'Why can't we just kick Caesar upstairs?'

'I was hounded out of office!', 'That explains the smell.'

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

"Of course, when I say we the people I mean I the people."

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

The wind catches Congressman Blowviatt's jerkin.

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

'What's the difference? Some people call it privatizing government. Others call it super pacs buying congressmen.'

Rock and a Hard Place

'This 'infrastructure' stuff you keep talking about -- does it have anything to do with vegetables?'

The following is a paid political announcement.

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

'It's Dick Cheney's biography.'

Best Seller in Washington D.C.: Politics for dummies

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

The Republican's Plan One: No Obama!

"I prefer to keep my op-ed article anonymous. I'm Trump's conscience."

How a Bill Becomes a Law, 2023

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

'We spend a lot, borrow a lot, tax a lot. It keeps things from getting boring.'

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

Upon graduation, all of the clowns would gather to find out where their assignments would be.

"What's your position on the Strait of Hormuz?"

"So you want to give yourselves a pay raise and change term limits so you can continue to ignore voter mandates and introduce ridiculous legislation?"