Semicolons Stickler Pillows

"She said it's not me; it's my semicolons."

TSA Noah

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"You have no idea what it's like to be a 'just between you and me' person in a 'just between you and I' world."

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

'Where's my glove?'

The Oxford Comma Coin

'Thank god for the spellchecker!'

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

I have a new linguistic pet peeve. It's when, instead of just saying something like, "Bob ate a sandwich," people say, "Bob, he ate a sandwich." It drives me absolutely crazy. Speaking as a psychiatrist, that's a short drive, Al.

The crew can no longer tolerate Captain Bligh's ruthless splitting of infinitives."

'Will you stick to the script!!!'

Department of Education - No smoaking.

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

Cowboy in Old West boasts of having shot a guy for ending a sentence in a preposition.

Monk painting a spelling mistake.

"Are you aware that in your submission you misspelled 'deer editer'?"

"Whoes jumping? My secretary enforces a strict 'No Smoking' policy"

Rare footage of a leopard changing spots.

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

"I ordered my steak rare - and this is well done...!"

"Some clean room - there's a fly in my potassium nitrate."

"In case anyone walks by and sees the bottle you ordered, we offer a sticker saying your first bottle was rated 98."

"May I remind the faculty that, in the event of a nuclear strike, atom bombs take a gender-neutral pronoun."

You've got to stop getting all your history from Youtube and Netflix. Why? Because those are videos. People who make videos are making entertainment. It it's entertaining that means someone's constructed story. If it's a story, that means they left out or twisted whatever doesn't logically fit their narrative as told from one point of view. Accurate history would be completely illogical. Oliver Stone would disagree.

"Hold on there buddy, that's not a KJV Bible." (two men talking, one with a Bible)

'It's your S.O.S. note returned with spelling corrections on it.'

'Doctor, I don't think the five-second rule applies to transplant organs.'

'First of all, your sign is misspelled!'

"The Department of Revenue and Tax? No, sorry, never heard of it before. You must have dialed the wrong number. This is the Department of Tax and Revenue."

'My son is away at college majoring in communication. When he sends me an email message, I have to run it through the spell checker before it makes sense to me.'

"No no no...You can kick the ball into touch, not the opposition!"

'No hitting below the belt.'

'I see that you have crossed you t's and opened you e's. That's always a good sign.'