Seltzer Sippers Pillows

Trendy new La Croix flavors

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Beer Stall

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

Anton's Bar and Grill

"Our seasonal special is spiced pumpkin apple butternut squash ale. Would you like that in a frosted mug or over ice cream?"

"I asked folks to bring whatever they want, so now we have ten tubs of guacamole, no chips, and eight cases of the most obnoxiously flavored hard seltzer."

Gosh dern it, Cookie! Thanks to you the boys won't punch cattle without a frothy cup of yer Mesquite Caramel Cappuccino!

"I'll just have a Diet Coke. I'm in the middle of my novel."

“There once was a woman who lived in a can of prebiotic soda… & only then did she consume enough to reap the health benefits claimed on the label.”

New for Fall

"For those of you visiting our church for the first time just raise your hand and our ushers will refresh your coffee."

"When you've seen one bottle of stout you've seen the lot."

Public Defender / Seltzer Defender

Acme Instant Muscle Ade Machine

Where hard cider comes from.

Clown crawling through the desert moaning, 'Seltzer... seltzer.'

"Single malt scotches are good but I prefer regular old comfort booze."

"I'm a local craftsperson - I make money."

"Well, the spider you swallowed in the scrumpy is now wriggling and tickling in cider."

'Maybe you're sitting on the wrong end.'

Seltzer paste.

Book Prediction Club

I think you may have overdone the pumpkin spice thing this fall.

Official Whore Artist/Official Piss Artist

'Prayer services held in pub' "Same again please..."

The Coffee Specialist

Olde English Delicacies - Maypole Syrup.

"It's a hard life!"

"When I said we were going public, That didn't mean you were supposed to divulge our secret recipe."

First There Were Only Two. Then There Was a Third. Trouble Began.

Watch out for this guy. Worse than passing bad checks, he asked for instant coffee and nondairy creamer.

New! Apple Mocha Latte.

'Instead of passing the fat tax on soda, the government requires that people do 10 chin-ups before the cooler will open.'