Seltzer Sippers Pillows

Trendy new La Croix flavors

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Beer Stall

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

Anton's Bar and Grill

"Our seasonal special is spiced pumpkin apple butternut squash ale. Would you like that in a frosted mug or over ice cream?"

"I asked folks to bring whatever they want, so now we have ten tubs of guacamole, no chips, and eight cases of the most obnoxiously flavored hard seltzer."

"I'll just have a Diet Coke. I'm in the middle of my novel."

Gosh dern it, Cookie! Thanks to you the boys won't punch cattle without a frothy cup of yer Mesquite Caramel Cappuccino!

“There once was a woman who lived in a can of prebiotic soda… & only then did she consume enough to reap the health benefits claimed on the label.”

New for Fall

Acme Instant Muscle Ade Machine

"For those of you visiting our church for the first time just raise your hand and our ushers will refresh your coffee."

"When you've seen one bottle of stout you've seen the lot."

"Single malt scotches are good but I prefer regular old comfort booze."

Public Defender / Seltzer Defender

Clown crawling through the desert moaning, 'Seltzer... seltzer.'

"I'm a local craftsperson - I make money."

'Maybe you're sitting on the wrong end.'

"Well, the spider you swallowed in the scrumpy is now wriggling and tickling in cider."

Olde English Delicacies - Maypole Syrup.

Book Prediction Club

'Prayer services held in pub' "Same again please..."

Seltzer paste.

Official Whore Artist/Official Piss Artist

"It's a hard life!"

"When I said we were going public, That didn't mean you were supposed to divulge our secret recipe."

Watch out for this guy. Worse than passing bad checks, he asked for instant coffee and nondairy creamer.

"Well, if there's gonna be another six weeks of winter we might as well sit down and have a drink, right?"