Self-reflective Humorist T-Shirts

'I was so unpopular as a child, even my imaginary friend wouldn't play with me.'

"I seem to bring out the worst in people."

Next, I remember looking down and thinking, man, those pants make my butt look huge.

'Okay, but I'm going to hate myself in the morning.'

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

The Quack Quack Diaries: The George Broderick Diaries

'Do you want your pie-chart with everything?'

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

Woman's T-Shirt says 'Baby', Man's says '35 Lbs. Ugly Fat'.

'Relax! I just read somewhere that 142 pounds is the new 125!'

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

"I'm a HUNK of burning love!"

"I've switched from talking to myself to talking at myself."

New years resolutions

Narcissus

'I'm texting my inner child.'

The thinker Easter egg

'What did you do with the whale I harpooned yesterday?'

I call it "Self-portrait in Quicksand."

'Are you the same guy who's in the bathroom mirror?'

"Somehow, I still feel insignificant."

Me at 22 vs. me at 29

"It's okay to be conservative, but maybe we should evolve and learn to read!"

"This is first-quarter projected-earnings report--does it make my butt look big?"

Still fits like a glove after all these years!

'Enjoying a little 'me time', Narcissus?'

'True, sir, but in a larger sense, aren't we ALL useless parasites?'

'Please leave your message after the tone...'

'I'm curious about your out-of-body experience. As you floated above your hospital bed, how noticeable was my bald spot?'

'Your surveillance videos always make me look fat.'

'Now, why did I cross over here?' Middle-aged Chicken.

'Lets talk about this rampant egotism of yours.'

What's wrong, little buddy? Some stupid kid called me "old." I'm young! I've been young all my life! I'm good at it. I know all about being young. I've been young since way before he was even born. He's just jealous that I'm more experienced at it than he is. Might be time for us to have a little talk.

Narcissus looks at his reflection in a pool of water; he is wearing a shirt that reads "Narcissus" written backwards so that he can read it properly in his reflection

In case of emergency, break silence.