Self-critique Humorist T-Shirts

Narcissus looks at his reflection in a pool of water; he is wearing a shirt that reads "Narcissus" written backwards so that he can read it properly in his reflection

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

The Quack Quack Diaries: The George Broderick Diaries

Express Barber Chair. 10 Hairs or Less

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'My arms are getting shorter.'

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

'Do you want your pie-chart with everything?'

'Okay, but I'm going to hate myself in the morning.'

Woman's T-Shirt says 'Baby', Man's says '35 Lbs. Ugly Fat'.

Next, I remember looking down and thinking, man, those pants make my butt look huge.

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"I'm a HUNK of burning love!"

'Relax! I just read somewhere that 142 pounds is the new 125!'

Al, I hear that only one out of 100 art school graduates goes on to make a living in art. That's where I was smart, Axel: I flunked out!

"I'm having a bad forehead day."

'Julie,has anyone told you how beautiful you look today? If so send them in for an eye test straight away!'

Bad Scalp Day

"Last year I didn't meet any of my work goals, so this year my goal is to fail at everything"

"I seem to bring out the worst in people."

I call it "Self-portrait in Quicksand."

'I would appreciate if your young lady waited for you up the road,Wilkins.'

"This is first-quarter projected-earnings report--does it make my butt look big?"

"My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis."

To: Rudy Park. From: Lemont Brown. Hey Rudy, it's me. Long time no talk. How are you these days? Lemont? From Berkeley? Tap tap tap tap. Yeah. Man … Putnam Hall 1993. Those were the days. What ever happened to our roommate Ken? Tap tap tap tap tap tap. Divided Airlines. Divided Airlines. You know, that freak who was always writing articles about "news" and junk for the school paper ... That MORON who didn't know a Gameboy from a GameGear ... That big baby whose mommy was always calling to check

Still fits like a glove after all these years!

'Enjoying a little 'me time', Narcissus?'

'Saline implants? That'd kill you! I'd take anything Rick says with a grain of salt- But I suppose that'd kill you too.'

'Please leave your message after the tone...'

"Oh, come on! At least tell me I'm in the top fifty fairest people in the land!"

"Society is so PC these days - I can't even poke fun at myself without offending someone."

Baseball player NY Yankee - being interviewed while wearing 3-D prescription glasses.

'Loser on Board'