Self-proclaimed Patient T-Shirts

"In my expert medical opinion, you are suffering from hypochondria."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

'Bored?'

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

Man with money in hand reads instructions on 'Check prostate' vending machine

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

'My patients are picking up so much medical knowledge through the media that I feel more like their consultant than their doctor.'

Man hospitalized and in a full body cast is reading bedtime stories.

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

IV Bags: Main and Afters

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

I stood in line for an hour only to find out there's a height requirement. You must be this tall. Waits and measures!

"Behold, as I guide our conversation to my narrow area of expertise."

'It's hard to have confidence in a doctor whose office plants don't look very healthy.'

"Is it your intention to seethe for the next four years?"

"Been waiting long?"

"The doctor is ready to maltreat you now!"

Man in hospital hitting golf balls into a bedpan.

"Yesterday it was the other side, but today the side effect is this side..."

"Yesss, I've cured many cases of hypochondria with a hypodermic."

"The bad news is you do have a lump the size of a golf ball. The good news is my tests indicate it's just a golf ball."

'You'll get wet. Why don't you use your new umbrella?'

"You're in luck. My speciality is symptoms that are just crazy."

Next cartoon - 5 minutes...

"Just ignore me. I think I dropped one of my tools."