Feigned Illness Expert T-Shirts

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"I'm afraid you have a condition called 'googly-eyes'."

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

"And that was just your sudoku chart."

'And that's the simplest way to surgically remove a 'mole' from the patient!'

"I think your problem is heartbeat-from-mouth syndrome."

'Does that mean my reflexes are GOOD then, doctor?'

"You are perfectly healthy, your Highness."

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

'Has there ever been such a sickly group of rugged individualists.'

'It's just hot dogs. What does the health department care about hot dogs?'

I can't come in today. I haven't got chronic diarrhoea!

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

'Your chart here says you've had some sort of allergic reaction to frogs' legs...can you be more specific?'

'We'll have to be more aggressive with your diet. I'd like to try something I call 'The Carbivore''.

Crossed fingers on a sign for the operating room.

'It's snowing, Edna. Call the office and tell them I can't make it in.'

"Your disease appears to be drug resistant, so let's see how it responds to intensive billing."

"Malpractice? The joke's on you. I don't have a license."

"Excuse me, doctor...but aren't you supposed to be checking my heart?"

"The resilience of the human spirit can be truly inspiring."

"In my expert medical opinion, you are suffering from hypochondria."

"Oh, no! Not another magician."

"Say 'ahhhhhhhh!'"

'Knock it off. You're not that sick.'

'And who was this 'Friend' who told you about the magic sausage roll diet?'

'Did you know that arsenic has absolutely no trans fat?'

'I'm up to 220 pounds and my feet hurt.' 'No gain, no pain!'

'You're going to get chicken pox. . .!'

'ETERNITY-with my varicose veins?'