Self-motivation Dilettante Pillows

"Being my own boss sounds fun but I wouldn't be able to motivate myself."

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

"I've dabbled in espionage, but my main area of expertise is self-sabotage."

Macho Vegetarian

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

Mrs. H.G.Wells.

'You know me, I'm a problem solver. I listen. I flirt with understanding. I move on.'

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

A "half-life" is the time it takes for a quantity of a radioactive material to be cut in half by decay. In each successive half-life period, the quantity is halved again. Half-life length varies widely form element to element. Eating healthier is a common new year's resolution. Our data shows breaking this resolution follows a curve like those seen with nuclear decay. As of yesterday about ten percent of those who made the resolution this year are still sticking to it. We calculated the re

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."

"Oh come on!... How can I only have lost two ounces?!"

'Should I buy or sell?'

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

'We've considered every potential risk except the risks of avoiding all risks.'

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

They used a scientific method to decide which new product idea to pursue.

"My husband is ambidextrous....completely useless with either hand!"

'Honey, I put 500.000,- into chocolate manufacturer stocks and now the share price went down... would you please stop your diet?'

The singles bar...

"The job stress was already bad enough, but now I have to choose between 56 flavors of coffee."

"Column A are things they said would kill you ten years ago but are now considered totally good for you. Column B are things they currently think will kill you."

'Put an olive in it please. My doctor says I need more greens and less alchohol.'

M.D. Robotics. Oil. Stop downloading so many cookies.

"Go ahead. Don't think of it as plagiarism, think of it as an homage."

One Way/Two Ways.

"How many calories do you think we burn by pressing these buttons each day?"

"I don't care what his name was. When I said I needed a Philips head, I meant a screwdriver you idiot!"

'Excuse me - Which way is Southwestern North Carolina?'

Entomology Reference: Bees, wasps, drones.