Self-motivation Dilettante Pillows

"Being my own boss sounds fun but I wouldn't be able to motivate myself."

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

"I've dabbled in espionage, but my main area of expertise is self-sabotage."

Macho Vegetarian

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

'You know me, I'm a problem solver. I listen. I flirt with understanding. I move on.'

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."

"Oh come on!... How can I only have lost two ounces?!"

'Should I buy or sell?'

'We've considered every potential risk except the risks of avoiding all risks.'

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

They used a scientific method to decide which new product idea to pursue.

"My husband is ambidextrous....completely useless with either hand!"

"Column A are things they said would kill you ten years ago but are now considered totally good for you. Column B are things they currently think will kill you."

'Put an olive in it please. My doctor says I need more greens and less alchohol.'

"The job stress was already bad enough, but now I have to choose between 56 flavors of coffee."

The singles bar...

'Honey, I put 500.000,- into chocolate manufacturer stocks and now the share price went down... would you please stop your diet?'

"Go ahead. Don't think of it as plagiarism, think of it as an homage."

"How many calories do you think we burn by pressing these buttons each day?"

One Way/Two Ways.

'Excuse me - Which way is Southwestern North Carolina?'

"This fat free meal is also taste free!"