Self-improvement Storyteller Gifts

'Every year it's the same thing. I resolve to lose a ton and you say you're going to control your anger.'

"Teach yourself what you don't know you don't know."

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

What else is there to wish for?

"The goal is to hate yourself."

"You left your demons here last week."

"Always remember...it takes teamwork to get me that promotion!"

"Remember how I've always had a hard time asking for help?"

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

(Man with 'BEFORE sign): 'My wife says I'm a work-in-progress.'

'My new cellphone has a 'self-help' program...'

Self Help / Elf Help.

"You've changed."

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

Let go of the restrictions in your own head.

Thanks to therapy, Bob no longer felt like a nobody. He felt like an anybody.

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

Warning. Objects in mirror my bear no relation to reality.

'I'm afraid this new self you reinvented has already been patented.'

It's A Breeze

A gorilla at a cocktail party thinking to himself "Fake it 'til make it".

Life is like a tube of toothpaste

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"There's a wonderful book on memory tricks here, but I can't remember what I did with it!"

'I'm not complaining or anything, but these are going to be really hard on our self-esteem!'

"What does she have that I don't?"

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'