Self-improvement Storyteller Gifts

'Every year it's the same thing. I resolve to lose a ton and you say you're going to control your anger.'

"Teach yourself what you don't know you don't know."

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

What else is there to wish for?

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

"Remember how I've always had a hard time asking for help?"

"The goal is to hate yourself."

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

"Always remember...it takes teamwork to get me that promotion!"

"You left your demons here last week."

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

"You've changed."

Self Help / Elf Help.

(Man with 'BEFORE sign): 'My wife says I'm a work-in-progress.'

'My new cellphone has a 'self-help' program...'

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

Thanks to therapy, Bob no longer felt like a nobody. He felt like an anybody.

Let go of the restrictions in your own head.

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

Warning. Objects in mirror my bear no relation to reality.

'I'm afraid this new self you reinvented has already been patented.'

It's A Breeze

'I'm not complaining or anything, but these are going to be really hard on our self-esteem!'

A gorilla at a cocktail party thinking to himself "Fake it 'til make it".

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

Life is like a tube of toothpaste

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"What does she have that I don't?"

"There's a wonderful book on memory tricks here, but I can't remember what I did with it!"

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

Telling Self to Buzz Off