Self-improvement Gurus Gifts

Clancy: Starting Out with Nothing

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Teach yourself what you don't know you don't know."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

What else is there to wish for?

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

"Always remember...it takes teamwork to get me that promotion!"

"The goal is to hate yourself."

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"You left your demons here last week."

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

Self Help / Elf Help.

'My new cellphone has a 'self-help' program...'

(Man with 'BEFORE sign): 'My wife says I'm a work-in-progress.'

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

Thanks to therapy, Bob no longer felt like a nobody. He felt like an anybody.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

Let go of the restrictions in your own head.

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"I feel I'm doing fine. My sense of net worth is way up this quarter."

"Doc, you'll be glad to know I'm comfortable in my own skin today. I shed my old in the reception room."

'Even in the mundane tasks, aim for perfection!'

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

Warning. Objects in mirror my bear no relation to reality.

After many years of wavering Dennis finally makes the decision to step out of his comfort zone.

'I'm afraid this new self you reinvented has already been patented.'