Self-image Skeptics T-Shirts

"That's a big fat lie!"

"Nice haircut."

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

"What does she have that I don't?"

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

'Cosmetic surgery.'

TV-Mirror.

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

Seminar: Find Someone Cool to Imitate.

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, What do you think of younger men? -kl. *(Actual reader letter) Ask Sadie at rudy@rudypark.com. Depends. Younger men have strong jaws and rock-hard abs, but they're missing the sexiest thing: they're not crotchety jerks, set in their ways, willing to argue about anything and say totally stupid things. Hey, doesn't that foul old wretch realize I've got rock-hard abs and a steel jaw?! (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-07-12)

A man imagines he looks like a farmer on a tractor on a ride-on mower and

'Seth, please bring me a copy of every search engine article that mentions my name in a favorable light. I need an ego boost.'

"Yes, but why did they use a picture that makes me look fat?!"

Cartoon Panel Discussion

"It's my self-portrait. Obviously."

'Do you have anywhere where they'd think I was good looking.'

'Casper just lost twenty seven and a half pounds, but his head is just as fat as ever.'

"Stock photo, right?"

'I've got a question. If your answer is 'Yes', I'll hate you. If your answer is 'No', I'll hate you, too. The question is, do you think I need a new dress because I'm looking fat in this one?'

"I think I'll be more relaxed once my secondary sex characteristics kick in."

How people who have plastic surgery see themselves...

'Some boys think I'm pretty. Some think I'm ugly. What do you think?'

"-But APART from 38" 22" 36" what else do you want to be, Cynthia?"

"Don't think you can just come in here and self-describe."

'I'll take THIS mirror.'

'I'd like to buy a frame that adds youth to a portrait.'

'He wants to look slightly mysterious and menacing.'

"Ed was at that awkward in between stage of letting his hair grow out." "C'mon. C'mon. C'mon..."

'I'm just sayin', with this cute little face and my big fluffy tail, I never really thought of myself as vermin!'

'Admit it, Henry, you only love me for my hair.'

Virtual reality mirror.

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'

"Does this dress make my ass stick out?"

"I'm trying to find that perfect piece of art that will make me think I know something about art."