Self-help Book Collector Gifts

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

"I just don't think we're the publishers for you..."

'Please forgive that last proposal. I was overcome for a moment by unconditional love for me!'

Ventriloquism for Dummies.

Tooth Fairy Motivational Training Course

How to Effectively Manage Criticism.

'8 Filthy Habits of Dirty Old Men.'

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

The Power of Positive Stinking

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet The Author"

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

'Mysteries' section of bookshop reveals secret door.

Woman blowing dust off book 'Desert Romance'

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

Rare Books

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

Characters jumping out of a book.

Great British Eccentrics.

Books: The Wit and Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge

'It finally took me thirty years, but I finally have one of every 3-D comic book ever made'

"I did the math. If we want to read all of Proust in this lifetime, we have to start tomorrow morning."