Self-help Book Collector Gifts

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

"I just don't think we're the publishers for you..."

'Please forgive that last proposal. I was overcome for a moment by unconditional love for me!'

Ventriloquism for Dummies.

Tooth Fairy Motivational Training Course

'Do you still have the receipt for that 'Fishing for Dummies' book you bought me?'

How to Effectively Manage Criticism.

'8 Filthy Habits of Dirty Old Men.'

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

The Power of Positive Stinking

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet The Author"

Victor Hugo

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

'Mysteries' section of bookshop reveals secret door.

Woman blowing dust off book 'Desert Romance'

J. R. R. Tolkien

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

Rare Books

Characters jumping out of a book.

Great British Eccentrics.