Self-care Guru Gifts

You know your getting old when you have to put on your reading glasses to trim your eyebrows...

'See you later, Honey.'

You are what you eat!

"I'm coming - I just need some 'me' time."

"What if?"

Valentines for Oneself.

"Right then, what's this complaint you've got about your liposuction treatment?"

'I always use lots of oil when I give a massage...oops!'

'A nose job, botox, breast implants, and liposuction... and you're the fairest in the land!'

Wolf: 'Oh, no, I have a double chinney-chin-chin!'

Mary Christmas preparing for her big night out.

'She got her looks from her father. He is a plastic surgeon!'

'Can you a bit of paint on these?'

Think: Everyone's out to get me.

'Sorry ... I'm having a 'bad hair' day.'

"I'm so fat and ugly. Even the obscene phone callers reverse the charges."

"Has anyone in your family ever had a history of exercise?"

"Some plastic surgeon did a marvelous job on your nose, Miss. Levine. May I have the honor to do likewise for you

"I'm prescribing a mild sedative. Go wine shopping and get yourself a nice Chablis."

'Well, I actually believe my face cream makes me look younger. You believe no one knows you're wearing a padded bra. . . we all love our delusions.'

'Your blood pressure is fine, your cholesterol is fine, but your self esteem is way too high.'

"Lying is cheaper."

Music Therapy

"Try to relax, Mrs. Hall. The first session is always the hardest."

'Honey, about these motivational notes you've been leaving for yourself...'

'I guess it was a breakthrough - My free-floating anxiety crashed.'

"Excuse me...is there a dressing room with a slimming mirror and soft light..."

'Watch these two movies tonight, and call me in the morning.'

Music Therapy

Secrets of the Mona Lisa revealed.

"I feel really depressed!"

The Smug Unemployed Monkey

"Ah! Here it is!"

"Listen, George, it’s called ‘me time.’ Get used to it."

When clones go bad