Self-care Conqueror Gifts

Veni, Vidi, Vici, Mani, Pedi.

Self help acupuncture

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"I'm off to the gym, where my private self and my public self converge."

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

The adoration of the gels.

Spa

Surfing the daily stress

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

The secret of living happily ever after....Do it alone.

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

Woman pouring perfume into her bath.

"The bags under my eyes have combined to form some kind of face backpack."

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

Surfer Blowing Back His Hair.

"You work too hard. You have stress balls!"

Steamed Room: "Man, I feel so much lighter."

Self-esteem room

Dating is so expensive...

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"Are you OK hun?"

Mr Metrosexual.

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

Breast Height Chart

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Loofah Lady

'Mom's Spa'

"Oh, I'm fine. I just had to take a personal day to recharge my batteries."