Self-bossed Pillows

"You may be wondering why I called this staff meeting."

'Running your own business means being self-made, unfortunately it also means finding out what you're made of!'

"I googled my symptoms and downloaded the treatment to my tablet. All you have to do is follow this..."

Bobsled Police.

"It's my company. I want to star in the commercial."

"No, it's great. I'm just saying 'The Gospel of St. Luke' is an ambitious title for a first-time self-publisher."

"They're all the books I've self published on amazon."

'Hank plays the banjo strictly for his own amusement.'

'Sit down, Roger! You're creating drag.'

'Does my bum look big in this'

Man fights with his shadow.

"There it sat, still as night, in the bagging area ..."

AS Joe saw his reflection in the mirror - he realized that maybe the zookeeper hadn't called him a buffoon after all.

'We won't need you. I brought my own.'

"How much do you think I should I tip myself?"

DIY helpdesk.

"He's never fully accepted being a snowbird."

Not in the mood for human interaction line

Martin Luther was a pioneer of self-publishing.

"Ron was abandoned as a baby and raised by dung beetles."

"What colour do you have to get before the big kids leave you alone?"

Complaints department

"We're checking ourselves out after making our own salads and grinding our own coffee...they should be paying us!"

"I decided to self-publish."

'How are the memoirs coming along?'

'The directions were easy to understand...until you got past step 2.'

"How are you fixed for group insurance?"

'All the gold that's ever been mined would make a cube 68 feet on a side, but that doesn't include rapper teeth, in which case it's 150.'

Best Snowblower Ever.

Courteous Self-Service.

'It's one of the perks of being self-employed.'

"Why is this asking for a tip? Who am I tipping, myself?"

I gotta be me! Who doesn't it?

Bobsleigh Sobriety Test

'I can still fit in the old uniform.'