Self-awareness Guru Pillows

How long have you been delusional?

'You ever notice how much bigger we are than everyone else? I mean, does it make me awful if I think that's really cool?'

"A man in my position makes enemies..."

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

That party went well.

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"Always remember...it takes teamwork to get me that promotion!"

"The goal is to hate yourself."

"You left your demons here last week."

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

When did you first feel like a male trapped in a female body? When I was a foetus.

"I like you in that one—it gives you an aura of mindfulness."

"Look, it's my word balloon."

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

'I guess it was a breakthrough - My free-floating anxiety crashed.'

"I'm prescribing a mild sedative. Go wine shopping and get yourself a nice Chablis."

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

'My new cellphone has a 'self-help' program...'

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

"Is this who I am?"

You are what you eat!

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

Thanks to therapy, Bob no longer felt like a nobody. He felt like an anybody.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

Let go of the restrictions in your own head.

"Oh No!! - I'm deciduous..."

Always remember...you're the best you in the world.

"Doc, you'll be glad to know I'm comfortable in my own skin today. I shed my old in the reception room."

Warning. Objects in mirror my bear no relation to reality.

"Feeling that only you can prevent forest fires could be construed as delusions of grandeur."

"I look kind of nice today. . . How long have I been this ugly?"