Self-awareness Guru Gifts

I'm not a total idiot. I have self-awareness. I know I can act destructively when I'm restless. But this is different. I don't see what is destructive about visiting Darlene, my unrequited true love, when I've already got a serious girlfriend. See how self aware I am? you're standing on my foot.

How long have you been delusional?

'You ever notice how much bigger we are than everyone else? I mean, does it make me awful if I think that's really cool?'

"A man in my position makes enemies..."

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

That party went well.

"You left your demons here last week."

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"Always remember...it takes teamwork to get me that promotion!"

"The goal is to hate yourself."

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

When did you first feel like a male trapped in a female body? When I was a foetus.

"I like you in that one—it gives you an aura of mindfulness."

"Look, it's my word balloon."

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

It's about self-control. "'No Thyself".

"Is this who I am?"

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

'My new cellphone has a 'self-help' program...'

'I guess it was a breakthrough - My free-floating anxiety crashed.'

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

"I'm prescribing a mild sedative. Go wine shopping and get yourself a nice Chablis."

You are what you eat!

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

"Oh No!! - I'm deciduous..."

Thanks to therapy, Bob no longer felt like a nobody. He felt like an anybody.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

Let go of the restrictions in your own head.

"Doc, you'll be glad to know I'm comfortable in my own skin today. I shed my old in the reception room."

Always remember...you're the best you in the world.

Warning. Objects in mirror my bear no relation to reality.