Self-awareness Aficionado Gifts

"Ted likes to think he's rather diverting"

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

National Everything Awareness Day

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

That party went well.

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

When did you first feel like a male trapped in a female body? When I was a foetus.

"I like you in that one—it gives you an aura of mindfulness."

"Look, it's my word balloon."

"Is this who I am?"

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

"Oh No!! - I'm deciduous..."

"You're a shark! You're a killer! Nothing can stop you! Now get back in that boardroom and apologize."

Always remember...you're the best you in the world.

"God help us, it's that guy."

"Goodnight, Dan, you handsome devil!"

As soon as I've extinguished my ego, I'm going to take some "me" time.

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

"Feeling that only you can prevent forest fires could be construed as delusions of grandeur."

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

'I wouldn't advise you to write your autobiography. It would be a very dull read.'

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

Psychology Clinic. Most potent example of solipsism I've ever seen --- he follows himself on Twitter.

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

"Mort, I'm writing a case study about two diametrically opposed archetypes of your generation. Archetype number one: a bold, debonaire male... The type that suffered no fools, lived life to the fullest, and pursued romance with tough, smart 'dames' who kept him on his toes. And then there's archetype number two: weak, insecure, afraid of life, and dominated by overbearing romantic partners who brought him to his knees. Ok. I'll participate. Who'd you find for archetype #2? You might want to

Motorway of the Self

'I'd trust you anywhere - I think!'

"Being a celebrated artist, I do sometimes wonder why you never celebrate me."

"Oh come now, Mr And Mrs narcissus, Have you two been fighting again?"

"I'm realizing how useless I'd be in a post apocalyptic world - All I do is draw cartoons."

"Wait ... I always thought taking each other for granted was a good thing!"