Self-assessment Enthusiast T-Shirts

'An extra pound here and there, a little sag, a little bulge, but I'm still the same hunk you married, right Ethel?'

"Well, I'm sad for Gloria...she's gonna be bummed out when I'm twice as successful as she is."

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

"This next one's called 'Song for Me'."

"You're a shark! You're a killer! Nothing can stop you! Now get back in that boardroom and apologize."

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

'I wouldn't advise you to write your autobiography. It would be a very dull read.'

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

'I'd trust you anywhere - I think!'

"Oh come now, Mr And Mrs narcissus, Have you two been fighting again?"

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

"Being a celebrated artist, I do sometimes wonder why you never celebrate me."

'What's the difference between solitude and loneliness, doctor?'

Seminar: Find Someone Cool to Imitate.

'If only I could accept that I can't accept being someone who finds it hard to accept acceptance from those who accept me for the person that I can't accept I really am.'

"I do feel like my old self, but I want to feel like my young self!"

"Maybe I'm just making a mountain out of a molehill. I do that a lot."

Caterpillar Paranoia

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

'I have ego issues — at least, I think it's me.'

100% Bombast-Filled Parka

“You must be this self aware and emotionally secure to go on this ride”

'Mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest one of all considering her age?'

Other People

'I never forget a face.'

"Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life."

'I know how you feel.'

'My patients are picking up so much medical knowledge through the media that I feel more like their consultant than their doctor.'

'I'm sorry...we're not sure you're self obsessed enough.'

"Ask yourself 'Am I nuttier now than I was four years ago'?"

"Could I be PATHOLOGICALLY normal?"

'Ecce homo!'