Self-assessment Enthusiast Pillows

'An extra pound here and there, a little sag, a little bulge, but I'm still the same hunk you married, right Ethel?'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

"This next one's called 'Song for Me'."

"You're a shark! You're a killer! Nothing can stop you! Now get back in that boardroom and apologize."

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

'I wouldn't advise you to write your autobiography. It would be a very dull read.'

'What's the difference between solitude and loneliness, doctor?'

"Being a celebrated artist, I do sometimes wonder why you never celebrate me."

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

"Oh come now, Mr And Mrs narcissus, Have you two been fighting again?"

'I'd trust you anywhere - I think!'

Seminar: Find Someone Cool to Imitate.

'If only I could accept that I can't accept being someone who finds it hard to accept acceptance from those who accept me for the person that I can't accept I really am.'

"I do feel like my old self, but I want to feel like my young self!"

"Maybe I'm just making a mountain out of a molehill. I do that a lot."

Caterpillar Paranoia

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

"Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life."

“You must be this self aware and emotionally secure to go on this ride”

100% Bombast-Filled Parka

Other People

'I never forget a face.'

'I have ego issues — at least, I think it's me.'

'Mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest one of all considering her age?'

'I know how you feel.'

'My patients are picking up so much medical knowledge through the media that I feel more like their consultant than their doctor.'

'I'm sorry...we're not sure you're self obsessed enough.'

"I put my pants on the same as every other middle-aged person—in constant fear that the button will pop off under pressure."

"Ask yourself 'Am I nuttier now than I was four years ago'?"

'It's my only indulgence.'

'Our health plan consists of an hour of free web time to self-diagnose.'