Self-absorbed Humor Enthusiast T-Shirts

"She fell and hit her head! Would it help if I licked myself?"

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Police Feline Unit

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Covid Inquiry / Enquiry

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

Do Not Resuscitate

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

Cariactures

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

Faster, Georges, faster!

Selling lemon latt�

'Cannonball!'

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'