Self-absorbed Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"She fell and hit her head! Would it help if I licked myself?"

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Police Feline Unit

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

Covid Inquiry / Enquiry

Faster, Georges, faster!

Do Not Resuscitate

Cariactures

Selling lemon latt�

Speed Dating for Turtles

'Cannonball!'

Here and There Trays

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'