Selective Sampler T-Shirts

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

Sauce for the Goose

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

'Diet considerations.'

Sinking Sand

Food samples in supermarket - 'There's a stick in mine.'

'English homework leaves a pleasant after taste. History takes like fast food. But math is a real bummer on my digestive tract.'

'I'm sorry we put bearnaise sauce on your fillet by mistake. Randy will have it off there in a jiffy.'

"I asked folks to bring whatever they want, so now we have ten tubs of guacamole, no chips, and eight cases of the most obnoxiously flavored hard seltzer."

'Anyone else seeing a pattern here?'

NEW FALL LINEUP

Man with fake beard gets a package from the Beard of the Month club.

"I don't understand it - no matter how much I drink coffee, play on my phone, refresh my e-mail, look up things online, go to the kitchen for snacks, message my friends, scroll through Twitter, and play with the cats, I still can't get any writing done."

'I'm part of a double-blind study to see how weight loss supplements help people lose weight. I'm guessing I received the sugar pill placebos.'

'I had a taste of my own medicine yesterday - Yuck!'

"I'm not mocking your song—I'm sampling it."

'Smoked salmon and cream cheese. What's in yours?'

'I wish you'd stop looking for specimens just once Arnold and admire the view!'

When Mrs Murray said you should vary your diet I don't think she meant to just try all 16 flavours of POT NOODLES.

Eric Clapton.

Meat. No, I have no idea what the heck you just shoved in your mouth, I'm giving away toothpicks. Free samples.

"SHEESH. What will it be like when I'm eighty?!"

'You know, hors d'oeuvres are completely lost on your side of the family.'

Working from home.

'I've completed my inspection. You've got termites...I had no idea they were carnivores.'

"Have you ever thought about putting out, instead of pretzels, maybe peanuts?"

American 'Idle'.

"Gimme a large cone with a sample of everything."

"You've passed me three times already. This is your last chance, buster, or I'm sending you straight to bed without your free samples."

It was cute when my digital assistant played "Bye Bye Birdie" after I asked for help with a pesky bird. But it was just snarky playing the theme from "Mission: Impossible" when I asked for guidance on reducing my debt.

"Sorry, Doc, all I heard was wine and chocolate can sometimes be beneficial."

"Install that, then uninstall that. Open that, then close that. Update that, then delete that. Run that program, then end that program..."

"I can sell you the caulk, but there's a waiting period for the gun."