Security System Doubter Pillows

"Perhaps we should stay home this evening."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

UK border controls relaxed.

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

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Nuclear Security Summit

Secret Service Dogs

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

"Password must contain at least one pictograph."

"May I remind you that I'm still in charge here, Baskin. And when I say, 'Jump,' you say, 'How many floors.'"

Your DNA is in the database.

"Siri, are you out of your mind?!"

I'm loving the phone hacking scandal. I love it when ne'er-do-wells use technology to steal personal information. Because you like when people suffer. No. Because I love it when technology is proven as evil. Spare me. Technology is not evil. People are evil. Computers don't hack people. People hack people. Macs hack, Macs hack! You watch your mouth, filthy human! Fight, fight …

'Wi-fi-fo-fum! I smell the blood of an Englishman!'

What security flaw?

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

'Roughly translated it says 'Can't remember the code to get into your pyramid? Call Pharaoh Locksmithing.'

Door labelled: 'False Economy Analysis & Research.'

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'

"I'm all for security, but you having an 80-factor authentication may be a little over the top."

'Never, ever give the benefit of doubt to a Brussells sprout.'

'These disks contain backups of all my financial records in 25 different software programs. . . I need to make a deposit to your computer.'

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

'Is this a trick question?'

"I typed the incorrect password for my online banking so much that not only did they lock me out - they locked me up."

"That'll keep them out."

Advanced Password Hint

"You have exceeded the maximum number of incorrect password attempts."

This homeland security is getting out of hand.

"Have you ever noticed how the eyes seem to follow you around the room?"

'It's okay, mom. I go through this every day at school.'

"...This one comes with the latest security devices...'

'For your safety, these stalls are monitored by a single person in a discreet location.'

'And I think you'll be very impressed with the new network security system we just installed!'

"Ed's job description has changed. He used to be a code-cracker. Now he's an encryption-disabler."