Security Question Survivor Gifts

Forgot My Mother's Maiden Name.

UK border controls relaxed.

"I find it so stimulating to learn new software."

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

'And in conclusion.'

That's not the reaction I was going for. Let me try to put a different spin on it.

'Hey, everyone! Guess who forgot his password?'

Frank was famous for his anti-inflammatory rhetoric.

"For future security questions, the name of your first pet should include a minimum of eight uppercase and lowercase letters, numbers and special characters."

Desert island has bottle bank and paper bank. Castaway sees message in bottle float towards island.

Your DNA is in the database.

Tax grab.

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

"Do you remember when we had to do was help people?"

"To prove I'm human, and not a spam bot, this site wants me to solve the mystery of the universe. Why couldn't they just ask if fire is hot or cold?"

Bored Meeting

'Thank you for calling the IRS... Press one for laughter in the background, press two for crying in the background.'

This homeland security is getting out of hand.

"That'll keep them out."

'For your safety, these stalls are monitored by a single person in a discreet location.'

'I'm switching to another provider,dear.'

'I'll be right with you as soon as I feed Buzzy.'

A man realises surveillance cameras are on him at the urinal.

'And that pretty much sums it up.'

"They say you should beware of attachments."

White flag being waved through the door of the Internal Revenue Service.

"What makes you think you have cabin fever?"

"You can usually do most of the admin in 60 hours, then you can spend what's left of your life seeing patients."

"Please stay on the line for the next available agent - unless, of course, you are feeling tired, very tired, or maybe hungry. . ."

'Relax - this is only tax hell.'

"The interview was going great until she noticed on my c.v. that I was her ex husband."

The Enemies Within? They're the Boys in Blue

Why they're called 'bullet points'.

"Today's training will be mainly about how to pretend to stay awake and interested while watching a really dull presentation."

"This is nice. But wouldn't you feel safer under video surveillance?"