Security Guard T-Shirts

"That's an old photo."

"Surveillance camera 743 shows you disabling surveillance camera 742."

'Excuse me, do these stairs go up or down?'

Taxicab security.

'It's because I'm a bull, isn't it.'

Watching The Watchers.

'...Just goes to show you, you can't trust anyone.'

'That's our head of security.'

'My Insurance won't pay for an MRI.'

'My insurance won't pay for an MRI!'

"Fortunately, I think we have an extremely accurate copy of it in the museum's gift shop."

Caribbean Airport Security

'Stopped a shoplifter today. Caught him red-handed.'

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

'When we ask you to present a photo ID we prefer one that has your own picture on it.'

"You. You. And you."

'I'm conducting my own stress test!'

'Good morning. I'm Mr Elton. Your teacher-security guard.'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

Foiling a robber by tieing his laces together

'Wow, this is the same model we have in school.'

Who are the most important people at the World Cup?

'Oh my lord, they've turned into pillows!'

'Please do not touch' signs all over a museum. The guard has a 'please touch' above her.

'Sir! That alarm means the security tag is still on your new heart valve. I need to see your receipt.'

Security guards guarding a pot and cup of coffee on display.

TSA Lines

Stop Canadian terrorist beaver!

'Amazing isn't it? The eyes seem to follow you around the room.'

Santa Security Check

"Nothing to be concerned about. We just want to show you our phony badges and then leave."

Security guard disperses football team.

Neighbourhood Watch Area.

Santa's Security

'What's so funny is we only have a roll of quarters left.'