Security Agent T-Shirts

'I'm sorry sir. I'm afraid you can't see the menu. It's top secret.'

"Hey, Bill. When you're done with that terror threat, can you help me decipher my kid's text message?"

"It's me. I was going through a 'Bon Jovi Phase.'"

Trump Tower Lease Dispute

"Mr. President, please, not the Nuclear Football!"

Airport Security. I had to go through the security pat-down three times --- They had trouble believing this is just my body and I'm not hiding anything.

"I'm retired now - since I sold my 'know when you're naughty or nice' technology to NSA last year."

'Please would you take this present to my uncle in New York? It's powered sugar.'

'It's just a laser pointer, Mr. President. It's not a little mouse. Don't let people distract you with these things...Mr. President?..Hello!?'

'There's that Patowski kid... I hear those hands got him recruited straight out of high school!'

"Well, no point in continuing surveillance. The subject just put on a tin foil hat!"

The Anti-Agent

"Bond James, Bond."

James Bond in a Snow Globe

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

High security Santa's grotto

'You know too much,'

'Where was the TSA?'

McMorkim's Cheeses Security A gang of mice wheeling in a giant mousetrap with Pizza and Beer as bait to a Security Guard's post hoping to gain access to a cheese Factory if the Guard is trapped.

Airport Security.

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

MacGyver's Cat: 'You see, I took your bed and two paper clips and made it my bed.'

The Hall Of Mirrors Jeretski Palace, Plovdo

TSA Noah

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

A Hard Look At Hard Looks

"I need to know who started it."

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."