Secretive Schemers T-Shirts

Confidential loans.

'Actually it's my neighbor's burro, but I'll pay for gelding him...I don't want them to know about it.

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

"Well, I finally figured out why we were going to the vet so often for check ups! He finally plucked up the courage to ask her out!"

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'You're closer to the Big Guy than anyone. Will you help us kill him?'

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

'...and, if your idea is so imaginative, innovative and original, why aren't our competitors doing it?'

Clandestine cows.

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

"My assistant is more of a behind-the-scenes kind of guy."

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

'Do you want to be red Tory or blue Labour?'

'Well, son... I've made my first million by selling my unpaid bills to the paper-recycling guy!'

'let's see if we can find any loopholes in this 'honesty-is-the-best-policy' nonsense.'

'Now that we all agree on the agenda, a show of hands on how many want to keep it hidden.'

'Damn, I just love this new problem solving tool!'

"Look, let's just say I haven't seen anything, Charlie hasn't heard anything, and Tom hasn't said anything."

"I've come up with all the right words for our new sales strategy, now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

'I see you worked in government research - what kind?'

'We've decided to foreclose on Paraguay, Ferguson -- Get down there and take the place over.'

'You'r either having trouble hearing, or there's a boy you want to be closer to.'

"So, are we singing from the same hymnbook?"

Valentine Comix

'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

"Someday all these anonymous accounts will belong to shell companies of which you will deny all knowledge."

'Business is slow. Go and throw a few banana skins on the pavement.'

Boy standing on 'The Joy of Sex' book.

'I'm always thinking of my fellow man - that's how I stay ahead of him.'

"I was thinking more of a leap-year wedding."

'So! THis is what you do all day.'

The Tax Loophole

Robert Macaire as a Matrimonial Agent