Secretive Hunter Gifts

'So, Allan, your super-secret hunting site, it wouldn't be down by the nuclear waste dump, would it?'

Crab with a clown face.

New York Netherworld

'It's Dick Cheney's biography.'

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

'Let us take a few moments to release the stress from our bodies. In your case it may take a few decades.'

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

"And, of course, if I were to get the job and start feeling comfortable here I'd no longer need the security blanket."

Yoga.

The World's best Camouflage Store.

'Psst, buddy -- Apocrypha!'

"Safe FDIC insured, guaranteed 2.65% APY...check out our new Emotional Support CDs."

'I knew I needed help when I started going to fast food places only at night so I wouldn't have to share with sea gulls.'

"I wonder what odds you would have got for that happening?"

I've been having very strange dreams lately, but they're no match for how bizarre waking hours life has seemed.

ACME, Inc. For the man who has everything. It's a home security company.

'I see you worked in government research - what kind?'

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

Spying

'I don't need your love. I need a 401 (k) and health insurance.'

"A ninja is silent as darkness, so-tippy-toes, people, tippy-toes!"

"They were all in undisclosed locations."

"That? - oh my husband - a closet bricklayer."

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians: Part Two

'Remember when your identity was stolen? I just bought it back on eBay.'

"It's no use. I came here to get away from it all."

'We'd like to visit a peaceful police state away from any terror treats.'

'That's our quilt edged investments sorted.'

"Oh s**t! The game's up."

Two men trout fishing

"I forgot my password, so I created a new one. Then, I forgot that one, so I created a new one. Maybe you were right. I should write them down."

Ninja Rule no#1: never wear corduroy.

'I can't even remember what I had for breakfast. How do you expect me to remember another bloody password!?'

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

Magic's Greatest Secret Revealed.