Secondhand Philosopher Pillows

Second hand clocks.

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"I should've never studied canon law."

The Three Kinds of People

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

'In this world, son, you've got to learn to push yourself.'

"I don't believe in egrets."

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

'...Sometimes the sheer monotony of it all just gets me down.'

'You can't win - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but ignorance is no excuse!'

'It's ten o'clock. Do you know what your office staff are doing?'

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

'Do I believe in evolution? - Well, I suppose we should get it over with.'

Meekness of Mr Pecksniff and his Charming Daughter

"But now the good guy with a gun has a foot wound."

"Before the library cuts I was well-read now I just have ill-informed opinions."

Stephen Fry.