Secondhand Philosopher Pillows

Second hand clocks.

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

The Three Kinds of People

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"I don't believe in egrets."

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

'...Sometimes the sheer monotony of it all just gets me down.'

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

'You can't win - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but ignorance is no excuse!'

'It's ten o'clock. Do you know what your office staff are doing?'

"Before the library cuts I was well-read now I just have ill-informed opinions."

'Do I believe in evolution? - Well, I suppose we should get it over with.'

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

"But now the good guy with a gun has a foot wound."

Meekness of Mr Pecksniff and his Charming Daughter

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'

Stephen Fry.