Second-generation Family Gifts

"My grandparents are from the old country. When they don't want me to know what they're saying, they speak in Latin."

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

"I told you not to touch it. I should've used your language and told you not to click on it."

A father comes home from work and is given a baby.

Child walking with balloon which represents global warming.

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

"The bagel’s from a previous marriage."

"No monsters under this bed! After I cleaned there's no room."

'Quick! Look cute!'

Excess Baggage: The younger the traveler, the greater the amount of luggage required.

Kangaroo wearing a hoodie with a pouch.

'We actually meant to order a baby monitor, but he was so cute we just had to keep him.'

Reality of Parenthood

"So, the inevitable sequel."

"What's a good time for dinner, let's sync up our calendars..."

'Until I met your Mom, yes.'

'Yesterday her kids and my kids started beating up our kids.'

"This has been fun, Dad, but I need to spend more quality time with my smartphone."

Wet Wipes: My Guilty Secret

Greta Thunberg

"Our max is six M&Ms for poop on the potty but try to hold her to three."

Scooting Death

"If there are no objections..."

"You both agreeing to mediation is a good start. So, your master, Rex, and your mistress, Felix, have decided to get married."

'Your mother is not a good loser is she?'

"It's too hot to strive for autonomy."

'Will you marry us?'

"Now that we've got a new bull, is he the calve's stepfather?"

"I'll clean my room when I want. I don't have to listen to you. You're just my step ladder."

"Truth be told, you all have different daddies."

'You know, I think I'm in the wrong nest.'

"Yea, I know, so cute, but such a pain until they're windshield trained!"