Seating Strategist Pillows

"We'll alternate the windbags with the hard-of-hearing."

"Somebody has screwed-up the seating arrangements" - Seating is an optical illusion.

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

'How about a game of cards?'

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"No, we can't get you a new toy every time we go shopping."

"I can't decide whether to get upset and wake him up... or wait and see if it works!"

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

'I've got it written down...'

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

"Now that everyone's in...how do we get the food?"

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

"Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.."

'And this one is just today's grocery list from my wife.'

'Darling...I'm afraid the sofa salesmen got the better of me.'

'But what do you sell?'

"Why is this cart so heavy?"

"Class, welcome back Sean ... who, you may recall, was lost for eight days in Home Depot."

'Our definition of a 'bargain' is right there in the small print.'

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons than in the dollar...'

'I'm sure I've forgotten something. I got change from a fifty.'

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

Flexible working

"Oh no. It's another death caused by 'economy pack syndrome'!"

"I've got a lot of stuff, a ton of coupons, and I pay by check, so all you behind me...get comfortable!"

"What time does the Black Friday parade begin?"

'Blimey, you must have charged for the trolley as well!'

'I'm the same as you - too sick to go into work, but well enough to go shopping!'