Seasonal Produce Detective T-Shirts

Do they have to grow frozen vegetables in the winter?

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"I can never understand these foreign crop circles."

At the market

See you at the farmers market!

"Oh, no - not another farmer's market!"

"These are Fzjhyg's sales figures for the month? I can run crop circles round him."

"Number 2. Step forward please."

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

Berries, Roots, Tubers, Stems, Leaves.

Christmas Drinks 'n' Nibbles System

"My God!!..Just how long have we had this Broccoli hiding in the back of the fridge?"

"Mother! How? Wait — where’s Dad?!"

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

'True it does have small flowers but through the microscope its exquisite.'

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

Grocery Shopping

Getting Rid of the Cure

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

'Turn right at the Robinia pseudoacacia, pass the garden with the salvia officinalis, cross the road when you see the stranvaesia davidinia and the pub is on the left!'

"Summer's here. Do you want to start talking incessantly about tomatoes or corn?"

"Fresh-raked leaves?"

Turkey Autopsy

Man on Stilts in a Market

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

'If you want produce grown on the farm down the road you'll have to go to Kuala Lumpur.'

"Are there any reports of illness at this table?"

"'Tofu'? Qu'est-ce que c'est 'tofu'?"

The History of Anti-stick

'It's a feisty little potato of Scottish origins, with a reddish complexion, whiskery appearance, waxy character and slight tendency to small mischief; spring-sown into well-drained soil on the south of the Island it has been hand-reared by. . .'

'This is my wife Hilda, who is quite a tomato herself!'