Seafood Detective Pillows

'... and what is the sell-by date on the packet, madam?'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Try to guess the continent dining...

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'Looks like a good day fah haulin' lobstah, eh, Pauley?...Let's just say it became a good day fah drinkin'...'

"Number 2. Step forward please."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"Our cook caught today's special. What makes it so special is that we have no idea what it is. We're coping it's edible."

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

GM Crops Genie.

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"Don't tell him anything."

Turkey Autopsy

Horse meat scandal.