Sea Shell Conversationalist Pillows

"The line is busy, please try again later...."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

Hey, it's true, you really can hear the sea in these shells!

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

Man listening to seashell: 'Oh, Rub-ber Ducky, you're the one ...'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

I can hear a podcast of yesterday's sea.

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

"Do you think the birds like me?"

'This seashell does not sound like the ocean... It sounds like someone yelling 'Look out!''

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"Fow sounds of the Atlantic ocean press 1, for the Pacific ocean press 2..."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Why do people talk about a rat's nest like it's a bad thing?"

"I was caught and released. But according to news reports, I remain a fish of interest."

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

"Sofia, right? You hung out in the back of Professor Dillof’s anatomy lectures."

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

'This month I'll be cooked & my bones ripped apart in a wishing contest.'

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

"Develop your social skills. Share information about yourself so people will want to talk to you." "I like to dissect animals."