Scythe Wielder Pillows

The Return of Football

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

How Swordfish Are Born

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

'Next Please...' (Joe's Sharpening Service).

"It's time I got a bigger sword!"

In/Out

'Damn, I knew that disabled access would be our undoing.'

"I don't think you can get a peace prize for ending a war that you started."

A barbarian warrior eats his breakfast

Knights queue up to attempt to pull excalibur with a claw machine.

'You said you wanted a F-A-C-E chord.'

'So you have to ask yourself: do you feel lucky?...well do you, monk?'

Guitar Hero.

Pub Kendo.

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

Scheduel.

House Plant Party

Shepherd

Swords for Making America Great Again

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

Sabrage

Fencing Lessons

Battle.

'Ready...and.....Rattle!'

Fun at the Office: Touché Break.

"I thought this would be easier than a drawn-out political campaign."

The Grim Rapper

Ethelred II

"Heh, I've left a pin on his seat."

The Lady of the Lake stabs a duck.

'Ever try beating a ploughshare into a sword?'

'The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with!'