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'The throw I mean the throw wasn't straight.'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

Beware of Falling Notice.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

"I lettered in spelling."

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

Alarmistclock

"Well, it's been nice. And obviously the £10 million win hasn't change you. . . . A mug of tea an' a couple garibaldies - as tight as ever!"

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

Safety Barriers

"You cheap shit! Why can't we have a designer divorce?"

"Perhaps there is such a thing as being too well-informed."

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

"Talk to me. You have wounds. I have salt."

Ginger's bakery: Our Cookies Snap!

'The kidnappers want 500.000,- Euros for the boss. I offered them 600.000,- Euro to keep him.'

"Really Mum? Natural selection gave us short arms to stop us from picking our noses?"

'Abstract art is supposed to look that way.' (A rather smarthy attitude in an art gallery)

Waiter thinks drowning man is asking for 5 beers

"Don't worry, he's improving. We'll have him up and cursing the government again."

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

"You know, he's not nearly as scary close up!"

"Why'd the chicken cross the road?"

"It looks like a pitch for a survival-themed reality show."

"I'd like to take a few minutes to make a series of promises I have no intention of keeping."

A bill poster pasting up a wanted poster of himself.

Flava Superba

"Can I call you back? We're having our favorite argument."

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

And on this day, God created children.